Things Not to do With a Dog

1. Paint the bathroom ceiling

One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to decorate as much of my home as possible this year. The provisos to this being;
1. I do not strain a muscle.
2. I do not miss out on anything I fancy doing that’s more fun than decorating.
3. If the weather is good, I’ll be out in the garden.

The weather was not good, and it was May. Long enough from New Year to consider making a start if I was going to brag that I’d kept my resolution as regards decorating.
I had previously covered the new plaster in a coat of watered-down bathroom paint. I had been careful to get the right consistency which my builder told me was called ‘gnat’s piddle’. It seemed to have worked. I was now ready to put on the first proper coat.

I had all the right things, cup of tea, stick for stirring the paint – you can’t beat a good stick. You can stir anything with the right kind of stick. I even had a pencil to put behind my ear behind my ear. Why, I don’t know but it made me feel good. I had other things as well, like paint, rollers and stuff.

I also had a dog. Not my dog, who would most likely have been used to me, but my son’s. He was on holiday with his family and the dog was being spoilt at my house.
Lola expected to be spoilt. She had been spoilt at Christmas when I did nothing but eat and drink the wrong things and pet the dog while watching films. She didn’t expect to be fobbed off with a dog chew and the use of the sofa while I painted. Apparently, humans with dogs shouldn’t paint, they should play with their pets even though the pet was asleep until I woke her by quietly opening the paint tin. They pop so loudly these days.

Walking backwards across the bathroom while gazing at the ceiling as you paint is not the best thing you can do if you, a) don’t want to fall over said dog, b) spill paint everywhere, including on the dog who then runs off daubing other parts of the house with her paint covered coat, c) miss bits of the ceiling in order not to do a) or b).

I’d try again but I have my daughter’s dog at the moment and I’ve already fallen trying to avoid her as I came down the step into the living room.
I think I’ll have a nice cup of tea instead.