Christmas morning

December 25th 

7.22 am

Heaven Forefend! It’s nearly half past seven and I need to be out of the house by half 2018-12-25 12.08.59eight at the latest. I have my granddaughters’ Christmas presents and they’ll be expecting me. I know it shouldn’t take an hour to get showered and dressed but the sprouts are still growing and everyone knows they should have been put to boil in the summer if they’re to be ready for Christmas dinner.

2018-12-28 09.46.05I set the alarm for 7 but as the church clock was striking 4 when I fell into bed it’s hardly surprising I slept through it. Also, I need 2, preferably 3 cups of tea before I can face the world. Especially after 3-ish hours sleep.

7.54 am

I am showered and airing. I like to air myself before I dress. When your joints seize up at inopportune moments you can’t be sure your crevices are dry enough not to chafe when underpinnings are applied. Therefore, I air. It is not negotiable, even when short on time. (Except in hospitals. Hospitals have their own rules and are not to be tampered with. See previous post – What I did on my holidays)

7.57 am

2018-12-25 12.21.22I have a glitter related incident. I spray my hair with glitter as it is Christmas but when I remove my finger from the button the glitter forgets to stop.

As a result the settee, the sideboard and I are covered with glitter. So is the conservatory as I race through to put the can outside to spray the garden in peace.

Away from the sprouts, I might add, as they are still growing.

This sets me back quite a bit.

8.14 am

2018-12-28 10.11.48I throw as much bacon over the turkey crown as I can, pour on some mixed dried herbs. (The bay and rosemary – like the sprouts – are still growing.)

It’s soaking outside. A fine mist is penetrating every crevice and I’ve glitter sprayed my hair – quite savagely, as it turns out. They can stay growing.


8.19 am

I dig out the Christmas pudding left over from last year. It should be okay, except it wasn’t last year – it was 2008. I dust it off and bin it. We have festive cheesecake and oodles of cheese and port. No one will care  if they have enough port. They might not notice the sprouts are still growing if we start drinking early enough. Note to self – must dig out that bottle of Madeira I found in the back of the cupboard.

8.23 am

2018-12-23 17.53.26I find time to look at the carnage I’ve left. I have guests for Christmas dinner. I know its daughter and her boyfriend but when you invite someone you can’t really expect them to start by washing up and picking their own veg. It’s hardly etiquette. And let’s not forget the fine mist of glitter over the dining table which I set last night. I shall just have to pretend that was part of the festive plan. It’s sparkly. Lauren likes sparkly – I shall tell her so.

8.26 am

The car is soaking. I can’t see out of the windows so set to wiping them dry while the engine warms up. By the time I finish the first are misted up again. I do one more round before loading the presents.

Oops, nearly forgot to get the cheesecake out of the freezer.

8.38 am

Ready to go. The spouts are still growing but what the €µ©ꝅ!

It appears that everyone has left the planet apart from me, a few geese and a lone dog walker. Could I make the 9 miles across the centre of town in 7 minutes?


Did the sprouts ever make it to the table?

Follow me to find out. Merry Christmas!

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